Digging for Gold

This morning I realized that improvements are made only to that which is faulty. For years I’ve had my inner vision focused on my faults. I have constantly pushed myself to transform into a better person. This is an exhausting road. It is the caged hamster running for its life on the exercise wheel and going nowhere. Sprinting with all his might, until exhausted, he sleeps, finally at peace- until the dawn.

There is a new puppy across the street. Everyone loves her. Some are wondering about what she’ll be like when she grows up- will she chase my cats, dig up my flowers, tip over my garbage cans? Today, no one cares. She is small, she is cute, she is new, she is a puppy!

I hold my new baby. She is warm, she is peaceful, she has a glow in her eyes. She can do nothing for me, I must do everything for her. She offers me total peace and joy as she gazes out from her blanket, sleeps in my arms, nurses from my breast. Everyone loves her. Everyone agrees- she is perfect, she is a wonder, we are so lucky to have her in our midst.

This is how we start, full of Divine glow. We are enough simply lying in someone’s arms, breathing, gazing, wondering. We are perfect. We are the Gold.

Whatever the reason, I care not to ask anymore, our Gold, Light, Spark, Wonder, Divinity, gets buried with the passing of time. We speak, think big thoughts, manipulate tools in our hands. At some point in time we are measured, judged and rated by those around us. We learn that we are not enough unless we measure up to someone else’s ruler. Gradually, we learn to hold that ruler in our own hands. Next, we are sent on a journey to measure up, to become as good as the others, and hopefully to surpass them.

We push ourselves to improve our skills, sharpen our mind, be smart, clever, sociable, handsome, beautiful- to improve on what we were given by the “luck of the draw.” With every accomplishment, out comes the ruler- are we good enough yet?

Now skilled at measuring everyone-our children, pets, parents, spouse, friends, siblings- anyone within our gaze-no one is good enough, especially ourselves. A choice is offered. We can keep our focus on our faults and our ruler, or we can dig for our Gold.

We are larger now- adults. We have a history of intention and action. We have willing and ignorantly done harm and benefit to ourselves and others. We are no longer only innocent. The choice- to remember and seek our original source of Light, Gold, Divinity, or remain forgetful of this original Perfection and seek a different ruler.

On this day of resolutions, I gather all of my strength for turning inward to remember, find and live from my original Gold, Light, Divinity. I resolve to remember the original Perfection of all beings- tiny and large, wrapped in baby blankets or dressed in power suits, friend or foe, you and me.